The Liberal Libra

Things are looking pretty bleak lately, huh?
The war. The economy. The housing market. The rising costs of food and fuel.

The more I read, the more depressed I feel. And yet, like a masochist, I keep going back for more. I lose entire afternoons devouring online news. My mornings are filled with CNN and/or Sky News. I even listen to podcasts from the Economist and NPR while I jog. I’ve always thought it’s important to know what’s going on in the world, but as an American living abroad, keeping up with current events has become even more critical. I guess the more I experience of this world, the more I seek to understand my place in it – not just as an American – but as someone hoping to make it better. Plus, let’s be honest, I don’t want to sound like the stereotypical American idiot when someone asks my opinion about whatever is making headlines at the moment. I’m terrified that whatever comes out of my mouth represents the “American viewpoint.” So, no pressure, right?

Only despite my mass media consumption, I still don’t feel particularly educated or informed. Instead, I feel confused and overwhelmed. I feel like I want to hide out under the duvet with my Happy List for awhile. It all seems so hopeless, and I’m not sure what to think.

I graduated from Vanderbilt with a degree in communications, and much of what I learned there – or what they tried to teach me – was how to think critically when consuming mass media. I did well in school, so you would think I’d excel at breaking down newspaper articles, online columns, and over-the-top emails about current events. And yet, lately it seems like the more I read, the more confused I become. When I’m reading some conservative email my mother has sent me, it kinda makes sense. But when I’m reading my favorite columnist from the New York Times, well, he makes sense as well. I can see the bias in both, and yet, I can’t always decide which one I agree with, because at the moment I’m reading it – I tend to see their point.

I blame my astrological sign. (I realize I’m losing some credibility here, but bear with me.) Libras are known for balance, for their ability to weigh both sides of an argument. They’re also known for being indecisive. So you see? I’m not an idiot, I’m just open-minded. And yet, when condescending political junkies talk about the ‘stupid public’ believing whatever the news media feeds them, I feel like they are attacking me. And I’m not stupid. But I am confused.

All that I’m sure of is this: I want the world to be a better place, and I believe it can be. The problem is I’m not exactly sure how. Every politician claims to have the answers though. No one runs for president on the premise of keeping things just like they are. Everyone wants to believe our world can be better, but how do we know which plan will make it so? And I don’t just mean for me personally, who will put more money in my pocket, but who will make our country, our world, a better place to be?

I certainly don’t have the answers, but when Obama tells me that more social programs paid for by higher taxes on the wealthy are the solution, I believe him. But then I get that email (again) about the ten men who have lunch every week and split the bill according to the tax code…you know the one, right? Well, that makes me wonder if “the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy” might not be so evil after all. And then McCain says those tax cuts don’t just help the wealthy, they help small businesses too, which of course aides the economy. But someone has to pay for the “change” Obama proposes, and the money saved by getting out of Iraq isn’t going to cover it (mostly because it will just be shifted to Afghanistan!).

As usual, I digress. But here’s the thing: I suppose I’ve come to think of the Democrats as the “kinder” party. And do you blame me? Most of the conservative emails and articles I read are usually about how Nancy Pelosi wants to take my stock market dividends and give the money to illegal immigrants or how Barack Obama will spend my retirement money on health care for people who don’t pay taxes. Well, that doesn’t exactly sound fair, but aren’t we supposed to help the poor and less fortunate? Isn’t that what being a good person is all about?

When I put it that way, I suppose you can tell that I have picked a team. I’m just not 100% certain about my decision. I find myself arguing both sides of the issues, depending on who I’m talking to. Liberal or conservative, I’ll nitpick why and what they believe for hours. Not because I’m trying to be a jerk, I do it because I’m curious. And a bit envious. I want to have convictions and be able to argue intelligently about those convictions, and right now I’m not convicted. I may have picked a team, but I still have my reservations…

Maybe everyone does. I suppose I can’t expect to find a politician or political party that I agree with completely. It’s just that at times I feel like a bit of a cliché – the idealistic youth, personifying Winston Churchill’s famous quote: “Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.” The quote always makes me angry, but there is some truth in it, I guess. As people get older, they usually earn more money and all of a sudden those ‘higher taxes for the wealthy’ don’t seem like such a great way to pay for the social programs they once advocated. It's kinda sad, actually. Who knows, maybe as I get older I too will feel differently, but I hope not. I want to believe that even if Obama’s proposal to raise taxes on families earning over $250,000 applied to me that I would still give him my vote.

I’m probably pissing off everyone today - liberals and conservatives alike. The liberals are appalled that I would even consider the conservative point of view, and my conservative family and friends can’t believe I would be so stupid as to think of casting my absentee ballot for ‘B. Hussein Obama.’ But there you have it. And now that I've put it all out there, feel free to send me emails and articles that will keep me up at night questioning my beliefs…It's torture, but I secretly love it.