Lions and Zebra and Boar, Oh My

Or
Things I Learned in the Bush

1. Embrace Bugs
You will almost certainly have nightmares about Orb spiders, and you’ll probably wake up every hour certain that there is a beetle in your bed. But relax...this is Africa! And if you happen to find a spider sharing your outdoor shower, chances are it’s not poisonous. Sure, it could possibly bite you, but most likely, it won’t be too terribly painful…just itchy.

2. Mosquitos Like Tequila
While gin may be a bug repellent, tequila (even when mainlined) does not have the same effect. I am sorry to say that the participants in this experiment suffered greatly in the pursuit of this discovery.

3. African Elephants are kinda cranky.
Our ranger, Andrew, was quick to inform us that every year people die in the game reserve at the hands (or tusks) of elephants. Dumbo they’re not. And yet, when the big “daddy” peacefully came to munch on a tree just a few feet from my spot on the deck, I had to resist the urge to reach over and “pet” him. On the other hand, when we met the pregnant “mamma” on the road a few days later, my instincts told me we should put the foot on the gas. Fortunately, that’s just what Andrew did.

4. Leopards can’t change their spots, but they can definitely hide them.
When another ranger radioed in that he had seen a leopard, we drove an hour across the plains to try to get a glimpse. We didn’t see him that night, so we got up at four a.m. to try again. No such luck. A few days later though…triumph! And thanks to Gary, a photo to prove it.

5. When jogging in the bush, always take your ranger.

On the mornings we weren’t chasing leopard, Andrew drove me to the gates of the game reserve, where he and I could jog with a large fence between us and the lions (After all, we wanted to jog, not sprint!). But the fence didn’t stop the baboons. And while I think they’re pretty harmless, I was quite happy to have Andrew by my side when we were forced to pause at a “baboon crossing.” There had to be at least thirty of them.

Now, this is something I don't have to worry about in Joburg…

6. As much as you may want to, please don’t sing.
This is not a Disney movie, and the lions probably won’t appreciate your rendition of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” Actually, it was “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King” that got stuck in my head as we watched the little cubs at play. Magnificent.

7. Warthogs have the right idea.
Our lodge frequently hosted impala, wildebeests, and warthogs. They came to hang out at the watering hole where they had a little something to drink and spent some time frolicking in the mud.

Life is good.

Occasionally, the elephants came by too.

8. When dressing for an African themed New Year’s Eve party, make sure your costume doesn’t look better on your nephew.
Laurel went as a zebra with Connor and Dale dressed as hunters. Bryan was an Arab Sheik. I opted for an afro wig and a sash proclaiming me to be “Miss Uganda.” I’m not sure I would have won any beauty pageants though, especially since I lost my wig to Connor who looked much better with an afro than me.

If there had been a prize for best costume however, my husband would have won. He dressed up as the “Ivory Ghost”... He makes me laugh!

9. Shut up and look at the sky.
It’s mesmerizing. The stars are shinier; the sun is brighter; the clouds puffier. Words like “brilliant” and “ethereal” and “luminous” come to mind, but they don’t quite do it justice. It’s awe inspiring. Too beautiful to be real, and yet…there you are, in the middle of nowhere, viewing God’s greatest achievement and wondering how you could ever question the existence of a Creator…

10. This may not be paradise, but it's pretty close.