“And what was the purpose of your travel?”
The friendly man at U.S. passport control asked us the question after welcoming us back to the United States.
Roger stumbled through a vaguely generic answer, hesitant to go into the details of our temporary residence, while I stood silent, my mind spinning with possible answers. The purpose of my travel? It was far too early in the morning to process such a multi-faceted question. I suppose a less neurotic person would simply answer with “Business,” or “Pleasure,” or maybe even “Family obligation,” but not me. I said nothing, instead allowing the words to hurl me into yet another bout of overly-obsessive self-analysis.
What is the purpose of my travel? Forgive me if we’ve been down this road a time or two already, but after ten days in the States with most of my favorite people, I can’t help but ask myself what the hell I’m doing living on the opposite side of the planet. In fact, I spent most of the twenty-two hour return flight feeling like I was headed in the wrong direction. What am I doing? How did I get here? What is the purpose of my travel?
But even as I ask the question, I know the answer, I suppose. I came to South Africa because I was curious. I came for a potential career change. I came for an adventure. And I’m here to write about those adventures. I’m also here to get to know Roger’s family. To enjoy the sunshine and a different way of life. And most importantly, I’m here because it’s important for my husband to spend time with his dad before it’s too late. Coming here was the right decision, I know that. And I like my life here, it's just that…
When I’m home, my life in South Africa feels a bit surreal. Like a dream, or an alternate universe. It feels as though I’ve hit the pause button on my ‘real life’ and flipped to a different channel – just to see what’s on – all the while fully intending to go back to my originally scheduled program. And while I appreciate the options my DVR affords me (can you tell I watch too much TV?) and I’m enjoying the Africa channel, I’m starting to itch to see what’s going to happen on the real show – the show that’s on pause. As long as I’m watching the Africa channel, my 'real life' stays on hold.
It’s okay though (she resolves with a smile). I know everything will work itself out eventually. Life is a journey, right? I may be on a detour at the moment, but I’m still enjoying the ride…
That being said, is it wrong to start thinking about steering in a new direction?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I know I have never left you a comment before, but I do read your blog on a regular basis. You are a really great writer because I get really frustrated and uncomfortable when you tell stories about your in-laws. I have a lot of trouble with my "new family" and I dont have near the conditions to deal with that you do! Having to spend this past Thanksgiving with Jenn's family in Hilton Head rather than my 28 year tradition with my own family was totally painful. Although Jenn's family could have been (should have been) much more hospitable, the main problem was being away from MY family and MY fun traditions. I cannot imagine moving across the world and giving up MY world! The story you told about eating the salmon dinner on vacation with the family really ate at me. It is probably best that you are not that confrontational, because I am sure I would have said something subtle like "fuck off" and made it far worse. I am consitently touched and impressed by the strong love and strong marriage that you and Roger have. I know how close you are to your family and it is great to read about how wonderful Roger is on your extended vacation in Africa. I wish wonderful things for you both and hope there is a time we can reconnect in good old North America!
Jared S. Thomas
i would certainly rather read your blog than write my own (obviously). I'm terribly saddened that we did not get to meet in person while you were here, but I hope each moment you had with everyone here was as wonderful as you deserve.
Your writing is arresting, compelling, and inspiring. You are a fantastic storyteller, but your introspective moments are when I think your writing is at its best.
I may not have known you pre-Africa, but I believe that you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing (even the tough parts), and one day it shall all be revealed!
As a writer, you are fortunate to live where storytelling is inherent in the culture...continue to embrace this opportunity with open arms and there's no telling where it may lead you, as a woman, as a writer...
I'm there with you. Feeling like I'm in the alternate universe and ready to unpause and switch back to the US channel. Although it's not horrible being on this channel... just feel like I'm missing things. But more than anything I'd like to switch to the Pine Valley channel... I'd totally love to live amongst Erica and Kendall and Ryan...
Post a Comment