I know I promised you something meaningful about India this week, but as usual, I digress. The thing is, in the last six weeks I’ve spent some much needed time with some of my favorite women – first in Atlanta, then with my sister in India, and this past week with a girlfriend visitng me from the UK (more details on the Melvis Reunion at a later date). As usual, these women have waived the magical wand of female friendship and reinforced all the reasons I need them in my life. Not only do they offer love, laughter and copious amounts of wine, they challenge me to be a better person. They hold up a mirror, reminding me of who I am and who I want to be. So forgive me for making you wait yet another week for the story of my High-Viz Indian Massage, but all this female bonding has me asking myself some tough questions.
Looking back over the last six weeks, I detect a theme in the conversations with my girlfriends. I find myself talking about what I want next for my life. Where I will go, what I will do. What should I do next to ensure my future happiness? It's proof that I have some seriously patient girlfriends, because I’m sure this is a conversation I’ve been having most of my life. But I’m tired of it. At what point will I finally say, “Yes, this is what it’s all about. This is what I’ve been waiting for. THIS is living.”?
Some people come out of the womb with this attitude, and others never seem to get there at all. I think most people, however, are a bit like me – they have flashes of this outlook but struggle to accept that the point, or the moment they are looking for doesn’t exist. Happiness isn’t a place or a destination. It’s found in the journey. Now, I’m not trying to claim that as an original idea, but I am trying to adopt the philosophy, to embrace it a bit more.
I’ve spent the last year contemplating my decision to move to South Africa. Was it a good one? Would I do it again? Do I have regrets? How much longer should I stay? Where will we go when we leave? What will we do? Etc, etc. The truth is, I’ve been so busy thinking about whether or not I’m happy with my life, I’ve hardly been living it. I’ve been in a sort of self-inflicted purgatory, a constant state of in between. I’m no longer in my old life, and yet I’m already planning my next one.
It’s evident, even in the little things. My 'cottage' for instance. My walls are bare, my cabinets empty. I have no motivation to decorate or “nest,” if you will. While in India, Roger and I decided to buy a carpet, and yet I couldn’t get excited about anything. Darby suggested that perhaps my hesitance to decorate my place in Joburg stems from my reluctance to accept that I live here, that this is more than an extended vacation. This is my life. Taking it a step further, last night Kirsty suggested that my difficulty in making girlfriends here in Africa might come from a reluctance to “decorate my life with people.” Could she be right? Is my loneliness self-inflicted? Could I be missing what’s right in front of me because I can’t take my eyes off what might happen next?
But I don't want to be that person. I'm ready to change. I want to start living. But is it enough to recognize the problem? To acknowledge a need for change? How do I actually do something about it? How do I stop looking forward and start looking around?
Now as both my mother and my husband will tell you – I don’t usually respond well to unsolicited advice. I emphasize unsolicited (my husband believes whining implies solicitation, but I beg to differ). In any case, this time I’m asking for it. Surely, among my oh-so-many fans someone will have a few helpful tips on how I might embrace this new philosophy of mine. So I’m asking for help here (Clearly, I’m also asking for comments!).
A few months ago, one of my favorite people on the planet said to me (actually, I believe it was a comment on this very blog), “We see the magic in our lives in the moments of our past.” Her words are devastatingly true…and that’s the problem. I don’t want to miss the magic. I want to recognize the magic right here, right now. This is my life…my uncertain, unstructured, unbelievable South African life. And a year into it, I think I’m finally ready to hang on tight and start enjoying the ride…
About Me
- Robyn
- After 10 years of marriage and 7 different mailing addresses (on 3 different continents), Robyn and Roger have settled down to start a family. But Robyn, always the multi-tasker, somehow managed to negotiate a two-for-one pregnancy. Stay tuned to see if juggling twins, 2 dogs, a husband, and a job drives Robyn completely crazy...after all, as Roger so frequently points out – it’s a pretty short drive.
6 comments:
:)Aren't we lucky! -Katie
:)Aren't we lucky! -Katie
I recently read a book whose basic them was "Become who you are." The point being, live the life you want to live & love the life you are living. There is no Paratiddya (ha ha ha, I am so funny), there is no Camelot. I don’t think magic is in the past or the future baby girl, it’s in the details...the details that happen every day...the details you write about on this very blog. Its in the trips to Salt Rock, in laughing with Roger because neither one of you are in the mood to exercise, its in a good bottle of wine, in many bottles of Champaign with your sister-in-law, in a fabulous rare night with real girlfriends, or an evening spent talking to your sister. It happens when you are making enchiladas & thinking of home. It happens when you take a fabulous trip to an exotic place & or in the warmth of your mom's hug as you come home for a mini-break. It’s in realizing that if you had it to do over again there is nothing you would change, and knowing that the man you sleep next to each night is the most amazing person you have ever known, even if you do want to punch him in the face from time to time. There are decisions to be made, and you need to start making them, but magic…that isn't in a decision, it’s in the details we take for granted every day. So my advice to you is to start paying more attention to the little things & I promise you will begin to realize how amazingly lucky you really are, of how happy your soul really is. And most of all, you will become acutely aware of how very much you love your life, exactly as it is! And maybe then, making the tougher decisions about where to go next won’t be so daunting because you will know that at the very core, your life is exactly what it should be in that exact moment, you will know that you have become who you are. You are on such a wonderful adventure & you are so fortunate to have found the best traveling companions to experience it with, in your husband, your family (if I do say so myself) and your friends.
I love you baby girl. I love you in Atlanta, in Nashville, in Connecticut, in New York, in London, in Louisville, and in Joburg! Wherever you are, being who you are is simply fabulous!! I am thinking however, that you might be a tiny bit more fabulous if you were in Chicago!! I’m just saying…
-D.
Yeah, what Darby said...:-)
As usual I love seeing a different view of the world from you. I wish I could just pack up and leave the life I live on a daily basis. I always seem to think it could be better somewhere else, but I end up getting stuck in Atlanta for some reason. I have family, a job that allows me to buy whatever I want and some good friends. But, what I share with you is the "what if" philosophy that you seem to have as well. If you believe in psychology, the fact that you have not decorated or made your home yours is because you may not want that. That might sound harsh, but your reluctance is very obvious that you don't feel like it is yours right now. Will you ever feel that way??? I'm not sure. Moving so far away from everyone you love really is hard and your brave to branch out and do things like that. I always wonder if I belong somewhere else. Do we ever know? I don't know either...
However, I think your awesome and I totally miss you. The new Colby Calait song is on and it reminds me of what we are talking about in this post. You should download that song. I loved our music connection and I always laugh when they play JoJo at the gym.
You rock and I hope you come home. A friendship with you is so real and pure and I don't have that with a lot of friends. Your a great person with a great heart and your constantly doubting yourself, which in my mind, is the sign of true intelligence.
Please keep in touch honey and send me your email that I can send music to. I have lots to send.
Britt :-)
I'm sorry to be so long commenting on this blog, but as I told you on the phone, I think Darby pretty much "nailed it." One thing that I would add to what Darby said is to keep a journal of things you are thankful for. (I learned this from Darby, but she did not mention it in her comment.) Every night write 4 or 5 things that you are thankful for. In a couple of weeks, I promise you will feel more positive about your life.
You are probably wondering why I am just now commenting on this blog. Well, I saw something on the Today Show this morning that reminded me. Please go to the todayshow.com (or today.msnbc.msn.com) and watch the video titled "Psychology of Satisfaction." I think the info is very insightful without being heavy. Watch it, Baby.........it is very relevant.
I tend to agree with Britt's comment about the reason you have not decorated or personalized your cottage. I think you do not want it to be a place of permanence. Probably because it is too close to Roger's parents or maybe just because you don't want to "settle in" to living in SA. Who knows? Another reason may be that you know that having "things" only ties you down and has little to do with being happy.
FYI..........I love you, Babydoll, just the way you are and for who you are. If you have any faults at all, they are probably that you strive too hard for perfection in yourself and that you don't have confidence in the person you are now. You've got to accept and be thankful for the many blessings God has given you.
Love you so much,
Mom
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